I normally post on here when I'm mad or frustrated, so here's a little break.
SD15 moved to live with BM for this school year (about an hour away). Before this move, BM was really pushing this school on SD. Talking about it all the time, taking her there, buying her school merchandise (shirt, sweatshirt, etc.) My husband asked BM what school SD would be going to and BM ridiculed him, saying she was sure SD had talked about the school to him so he should know which one it was.
For the past four years I have "ghost written" the skid's schools on behalf of BF to get school info, school calendars, etc.
I have decided I'm not going to do it this year unless BF specifically asks me to. The reason being is I go through all this trouble and in the end, I am the "bad guy" who "has a problem with his kids."
I don't even know where to start. DH and I met almost three years ago and we are now engaged. I have a 9 yo son and he has 2 daughters 12 & 13. My son has Down Syndrome and I feel like I have truly found a wonderful man in my fiance he loves my son and I. We have no problems until the sd's and BM come into play.
Boy can I relate to what Sita says: "Waiting for my life to start". I actually woke up at 4a.m. just thinking about all the crap with the BM and my FH's inability to move on with his home back east and I was so incredibly TIRED that I called my job and said I had a major migrane and didn't go to work today. I actually didn't even crawl out of bed til noon and since I am not used to being home on a weekday i have no idea what to do with myself. My Fh is out of town this week getting his house on the market - supposedly - we will see if it really happens this time (after BS me about it and dragging it out for 2 1/2 years) and the whole thing just makes me sick to my stomach because he has been so financially irresponsible with the whole thing. Never rented it out and it has just been a money pit sucking him dry and even our counselor thinks he won't admit that it is his last tie to SD15 and that he is feeling guilt. From what I can see SD15 could give a rats patootie. I also know that while he is back there that BM will be trying to speak with him constantly or come by or whatever and it is absolutely burning me up inside because I have no idea what is going on. I will be out there on this weekend though and I'm sure he is freaking out. All I know is that from the conversations that I have had with my FH is that he is spending a lot of time running around for SD and we all know that he is being directed by the BM. For example he picks SD, her b/f and friends up from school while he is there and then friday we were talking and SD calls and says mom says you NEED to drop us off at the football game tonight so he says yes. Well he lives 30 minutes away so he is to pick everyone up, stay up for a couple hours then come back pick everyone up again and drop everyone off (cuz heaven forbid he stays there at the game the kids don't want him there)when BM lives 5 minutes away but can't get off her lazy ass and do it. When I questioned him if he even know there was a game he said no. He said well I haven't been around much in the last 2 years to do these kind of things so I should be doing them - my FH does not talk like that so I know that came straight out of BM's mouth. I too feel like WHAT THE HELL ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT US? WHAT ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP? HOW COME I DON'T GET TO CONTROL YOU LIKE THAT (not that i would want to) When is BM going to back off, when is the control going to stop, when is the house going to be sold so we can be better $$$ wise and do the things we want to do. When can we FINALLY put all this behind us and have our own god damn life without all of FH's baggage??? And trust me I had no idea of all this crap when we got together. I just turned 40 and my son is grown so can't I just have a partner that we can share, grow, and have fun together. Sorry to jack your post or anything put I just wanted to throw that out there that a lot of us feel like we are waiting too!!!! Thank god I can vent here!
Biological Mother. BM. She will always be their mother. I can't change that fact and at some point in time, my beautiful, innocent stepdaughters need to learn about their mother and all her imperfection. BM is diagnosed bipolar/BPD. I recently learned (thanks MamaSita for your book recommendation) that BM stays in her abusive relationship with her controlling boyfriend because she has no sense of control over her own life and feelings...that she is actually comforted when being controlled. She thrives on chaos and her BF gives her all that she needs to feel validated. How do you explain that to three little girls? How do I take a seat on the sideline and watch as their mother slowly diminishes their innocence?
I can't find a post as to where it is exactly. I live in kentucky. Am I close??? I would love to consider attending, it would be awesome. I just don't know where it is going to be. Any info would be wonderful.
Sorry for 2 posts in one day! This is a touchy one, and I'm hoping one of you gals has some great advice for dealing with this! SD14 and I have come a long ways in our relationship. At first she hated me, would not come for visitation every other week, and avoided me at all costs.
Normally when I have something to vent about, it's BM or SS or BF even. Today it is my exH. We have never had a 'friendly' relationship since the divorce, but we do have a 2yo daughter together. I live in California, he lives back east.
please pm me asap w ur email addy. i will be providing some wine and want to make sure everyone has something they like to drink!
cant wait to see everyone!!!!!!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
BF got a call from his older half brother stating that his older "full" alternative lifestyle brother got married to his partner over the past weekend. BM and her new hubby were invited of course b/c this "full" brother of BF's took BM's side from the beginning when BF and BM broke up and has not talked to BF ever since the split up but instead sent a nasty condescending letter to BF right after the breakup. It blathered on about "honesty" (accusing BF of being a dishonest person)
I posted a little of this on GC's post, but thought I'd toss it out there on my blog in case anyone (Thanks Bella!) was thinking of me.
We have been without power since yesterday at 5pm thanks to a Hurricane Ike inspired wind storm (only 50 plus MPH for us compared to what the real hurricane victims got. TONS of damage and the kids were off school today (well yesterday technically by the time I post this.)
Hi everyone. Long time no post... Actually, I have a question for a friend of mine I just spent the weekend with. Long story short, she is the bread winner. She makes a lot of money and her husband has not worked for 8 1/2 years. He gets little jobs here and there, but hasn't made any significant impact on their finances. They have two little girls who have been in full time daycare since they were infants. Okay he's been cheating and she is sick and tired of him. So divorce court is next month. They will be married for 10 years 1 month by trial time. He has a lawyer and she doesn't. She thinks that because they live in California she automatically must pay him alimony and child support with a 50/50 shared custody.
We do NOT believe she is a case like any of those women who drowned their kids in the bathtub or the like. Of course, one can never be sure. She really does love her kids. BUT, we definitely do think that her delusions could easily cause her to panic in a situation in which the panic would lead to an action which could endanger the children.
Let me get to the heart of the matter. The bm is sick, basically she is mentally ill. I don't really know what is wrong with her brain, I have my suspicions but I don't know for sure. Two years ago, she started sending us very alarming letters. She would tear her hair out and worry and fret and stare off into space for hours and talk endlessly about what she thought was happening to her. She'd barely concentrate on the children. H tried to get a lawyer at that time but he didn't have enough to go on until we got the letters. We tried to ignore it and deal with it as much as we could, basically just scared sh1tless that she could go over the edge without us even knowing what the "edge" actually was. She would come and stay with us for months...that has finally been put to an end. But now, sadly, we are trying to amend the petition to add on supervised visitation because we have not for years and frankly do not feel comfortable letting them visit her 2,000 miles away when she is this sick. We don't believe she would actually hurt the children but we cannot take that chance. Ever. So the crux of it is that my H will no longer allow her to stay in our home, but we refuse to pay for her to stay in a hotel or house or whatever while she is here. We might go halfway, but she wants 75% AND for us to pay for the place where she stays. She will have her two weeks or her summertime or whatever and then she will LEAVE when it's time to leave! She has been better in the last 6 months. I think this is only because her mind has made up something that makes her feel better but if ever her mind were to convince her that she is in danger again, she would go downhill again big time. We really do feel like it's just a matter of time.
Thought I'd break my post down a bit, so people could respond to various issues if they wanted to...it was way too long for the average person at work to read!
I'm so tired, I mean, not particularly tired of her...BM and I only see each other maybe 3 times a year on account of the fact that she lives in another country. When she calls, she talks to the boys as long as they want, they call her from time to time. H doesn't talk to her at all if he can help it. I do not talk to her AT ALL. For any reason. Thankfully we have never had any emergencies. She sometimes takes visitation, sometimes she doesn't. But yes, I'm tired because we had a family vacation in July and got 8 days to ourselves (we had not had any time without them overnight since a trip in December 2006) but it's been almost another 3 months now without a break. I'm so tired, yes, I am. I know that if the ss's were mine, this would be the norm for us, but oh how I want a break sometimes, just a little bit of time to watch movies and not have a sleepy child walk out in the middle of it because he's hungry, or get to go out at night and know we can come home any time we want or just something as simple as going for a walk by ourselves. Last week we had a very nice lunch together at a Thai place and that was lovely...we do try to make little plans like that by ourselves.